Watching the news on Katrina, and monitoring the stock market a bit. Thought I would let you know how things resolved on the teen front. My husband made a huge difference in handling the talks. Private talks are sometimes really important, they are much better than fiats. heh.
Anyway, denied daughter was sitting, subdued in mood, on the couch. She had obviously been crying for awhile. So, went and talked with her a bit…sounding out how she felt, acknowledged the feelings of disappointment. This daughter tends to get resigned, so I don’t like to leave things in what, for me as a parent, could be a relieved silence.
We talked a bit about what things she would be interested in, and some of the parent side views of time and opportunities. Sometimes at this age I feel I don’t really know who my child is. They seem so …metamorphasizing. Hidden in that stage that is becoming something, but I can’t quite see whether it is going as it should or not.
I remember very well what I was at that stage, but my child is not me. I can’t say I know for sure what she feels, but I know that some of the things I moved towards were definitely not for my final good. Because at the early teen stage the view is distorted. I think it clears quite a bit by the time they’re sixteen, but then the parent can fool themselves into thinking that because the kid sees well they can act well.
It doesn’t necessarily follow. Sixteen yr. olds need lots of supervision, and accountability.
With all my kids different types of personalities….. I dare not generalize more than that. Those are just the general truths found so far.
We all need understanding and support- at whatever age, that much I discovered. Oh the humanity;)
Unlike New Orleans…we are in safe harbor, for now.
Well done mama!
You have no idea how relieved I was that something actually came out right without too much more angst.
Ilona, I feel great sympathy for you all.
If it helps, remind your husband that this tantrum, this despair, this sorrow and stress is best experienced by her now. I have known too many people who didn’t learn to deal with restrictions and disappointments as teenagers who simply flew to pieces as adults. I don’t have the psychological background to understand why.
But I do have the life experience (especially as a particularly tempestuous teen!) to know that if such a thing caused such distress, the distress was waiting out there for this child anyway. It is better, far better, to let this storm rage now than to defer the confrontation of self with itself until later when it plays out in the adult world.
God the Father is a profoundly meaningful metaphor for me. The mother supports us in our weaknesses with love and understanding; the father calls us to conquer our weaknesses and teaches us to deal with the outside world without losing ourselves. I know that is an oversimplification, perhaps at some time you could explicate it in your precise way.
Your daughter is luckier than she knows, although I am sure she does not see that now.
These times seem mild compared to some we’ve weathered. I feel like my husband and my daughter are the ones who sailed through to harbor. I mostly stood watch.
I think you said things well, and I wouldn’t try to improve on it.
Those are the kinds of things we keep in our hearts, to bring out in the days we need to think on them. Thanks for putting it to ‘paper’.