Greg is someone who’s been there. And while I don’t subscribe to the idea that you have to be experienced before you can speak out with wisdom, the experience will underline that wisdom in a way that people identify with. They detect that compassion that comes from the pain.
You can read the whole post, here.
His main points of what is being dealt with:
“The core beliefs at the heart of sexually addictive behavior are:
â€“ I am basically a bad, unworthy person.
â€“ No one would love me as I am.
â€“ My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend on others.
â€“ Sex is my most important need. ”
So why is our message not getting through? And in the discussion of the problem, how may we unwittingly be playing into the very cause of a brother or sister’s problem?
I thought I would make a few observations. First, if someone feels bad and unworthy they are going to hide. And the isolation that that causes is going to feed into feelings of not being loved or accepted.
In Christian environments, it is very easy to feel rejected when you have these kinds of problems, sometimes the blame is with the Christian, but often it is with unrealistic expectations from the isolated and guilt-ridden person. Everyone wants to have some idea of what to expect from another person, and they will tend to be cautious until they feel somewhat secure in that idea.
If you isolate yourself and you emanate rejection feelings, people are going to hold you at a distance. It will take Christians who are bravely risking the norms around them who will reach out to these hurting individuals.
Further, there si a process that individuals follow in good faith, as Greg puts it:”dismantle the addictive belief system. The addict will need to learn to renounce the lies he has believed, and then correct those lies by stating the truth as God sees it.”
This involves those time-tested Christian steps of confession and repentence. As long as we give creedance to the world’s view of how to “be good people”, or that the priority in our lives is that “Sex is my most important need” , then we are just maintaining the feedlines to the problem.
One thing I do know that we as Churches need to work on: we need to be safe places. We need to be a safe haven to share our weaknesses, a safe place to relate to one another, and a safe place to live our convictions. And just because we all go to the same church does not mean our convictions on schooling, parenting, ministry, etc is going to all be on the same page. But our love and devotion to Christ and each other can be.
It will have to be if we are going to deal with the inroads of sins into the very bowels of the Church.
One truly important lesson I learned fairly early was that it is much easier to discipline oneself and learn to obey God in your own willingness then it is to wait for the discipline of events and outside forces to teach you God’s lessons.
Much, much easier. Why wait until it is your husband, or wife or child that has a problem? Let’s work on fillling the needs properly, on being the people we should be…. and not let our family lives slide, not let our churches become souless meeting places for another round of activity. And start by getting filled ourselves…. there is a fountain, you know.