I finally did it. I’ve been making websites,etc. since about 1998 or so and I always experimented around and used free website hosting, etc. Well. Today I bought a domain name and I am trying to figure things out for moving my “old but good” website to its own domain. My blogs will stay “as is” for awhile, perhaps indefinitely.
I feel like a little girl. sort of confused with butterflies in my stomach. That is just so lame, but that is how I get with something new. Actually that is how I get anytime I have to spend time and money and I am afraid I am wasting it on something that is just for me.
I am lame. I know it. I confess it.
Sometimes my inner voice is in sync with plenty of those I know are out there: Ilona, you are such a loser… why try… all those negatory things that bounce around. but I have some sort of ballast in my mind that propels me forward: why not try it? If you lose, so what? Who defines you anyway?
And when that comes into play I go forward. Like today… and I have this little scream fest in the back of mind “What are you thinking, you have gone and done it, you wasted your money you’ve wasted your time…nobody cares…” but then I shut it all down with: I care. It’s important to me to know that I can accomplish something I have set out to do. The bread is cast upon the water and who knows what the Lord will cause to come of it?
Because we can will and have our ways, but the outcome of everything, in the final account, is in the hands of the Lord. Which always makes me feel much better, as the Lord is who I can have confidence in, and in the small matters of whether I win or lose, succeed or fail, those all mean little. In God’s economy even my failures have value if they are something I can learn from. Something that makes me wiser or better or is a lesson that can be shared.
But secretly? I’m very excited about moving ahead in my online experience. I’m looking through all the stuff involved right now and figuring out how to use the host site. You know that Mary Murphy on “So You Think You Can Dance?” the one who screams and goes all berserk? that is how I feel right now.