I was more than a little interested in this series from Dory @ Wittenberg Gate. I have had experience with controlling relationships in both my personal and in my Christian life. I have this undeniable buzzer that goes off-really loudly- inside my head when I am dealing with these sorts of people, and unfortunately one of my coping mechanisms is to start to prod them. I know that they are going to show more of their traits, and that cinches the undercurrent that is warning me.
I wish I had answers. The damage done by this sort of indepth selfishness is tragic. I suppose the best that is availble is to watch for the signs, although not all listed are manifested in all personalities; for instance, some manipulators have what you would call a sense of humor. The trouble is they use it as a ruse to say things that no one would tolerate were it not hidden under a “joke”.
ahwell, read the series:
Wittenberg Gate: Controlling Personalities in the Church: Staying or Going: Some Considerations
Are We Called to be Doormats for Christ?
….. we often swing that pendulum too far and suppose that the Bible teaches us that we are to be doormats for Christ, exposing ourselves to all sorts of abuse and wickedness without protecting ourselves or seeking help. It is an error to elevate suffering for no reason or purpose to the same status as suffering for the sake of Christ or His bride.
Keep your eyes and ears open to the characteristics – you will find these among bloggers, among people you meet, among date prospects, these are often charming people. You will never win with them. That is the sad part, it is never win-win, they want to be the winner always and they want a loser.
I don’t believe that a church which follows the guidance of the gospel will long be conducive to these types of people. The best protection from dangerous people is to sincerely follow the Lord. Because sooner or later conartists and manipulators will want you to substitute loyalty to them for your allegience to God. If you choose God, they will slough off like dead skin. but those are the ones you can separate from. Sometimes they are sewn more closely into your life, but still, the answer is to grow your relationship with God. You will need His healing touch and help, often.