True Confessions

(It’s that time again….)

Every once in a while I think about stuff and then put something or another online in a sort of true confessional sort of way. And sometimes that morphs along into free thoughts and associative stuff.

I don’t know yet what this will be. We will all be surprised.

But anyway, I was thinking about how my life has not become at all what I had imagined, thought , or planned. Some people would think that was normal, but I think that is rather strange

I mean, wouldn’t you think that at least some of the things you had planned for your life would’ve come about? Maybe I am not thinking about this correctly. Let me take a second and try to consider…..

Nope. I think everything pretty much turned out very different from anything I planned. There is still a chance that I might resurrect that idea of being a Grandma Moses type of career artist.

But it doesn’t look very likely …since I accomplished only one quick sketch this summer.

But on all the larger things of life, nothing is as I thought it would be.

I find this strange. As though I had somehow missed all the cues or something. Not that the different things are all bad, some are better and some are worse. But for myself, I would say my prognostication scale is extremely low. And the weird thing is that I always felt I knew myself. I certainly spent enough time in introspection.

I do lots of thngs because they need to be done, and it seems that I don’t do lots of things that I really like or am excited about. But maybe that is just an attitude, because it is obvious that I put time into my computer activities. And that is purely a want-to sort of thing. I mean, it is not like I have a clamoring readership or anything.

Excuse me. I have to take some time to amusedly smile over that. HA! That is so funny. I made myself laugh. Good sign. Good sign.

Ok. Anyway, tomorrow is Monday. I hope I get it together tomorrow because I sure haven’t for the past….long time. But esp. last week. Last week was sort of a wash out. Although I have read an enormous amount of blogs in the past week or so. I read Venomous Kate where she remarked about her health struggles and how she started doing better with starting up her exercising. I tell you, I wanted to applaud. REally . I found it very uplifting. But I didn’t leave a comment on her blog. Just was lazy and was a little too effusive and thought it would sound trite.

Oh well. I’m done. It’s late and I no longer think I will free-associate anything tonight. g’nite, y’all.


I looked over the post and corrected the typos… and then remembered. I forgot to call my Mom. Wow. One more thing to add to my sense of failure ( and yes…. would the post have the tone it does if I felt like a …don’t say don’t say it…FREAKING success?

I know I will regret that indulgence. Bad language form. Very bad form, but it goes with the tone, don’t you think? If you read this, don’t put anything in the comments that sympathizes, in case you are tempted. I ‘ll be better tomorrow.

That’s the usual sequence. 🙂 See, I’m smiling again.