I just finished reading through a bunch of storytelling-things-maybe-in-real- life-but they-seem-so-out-there-that-it-is-hard-to-tell blogs. Then I realized… I haven’t written much about me in this blog of late, not really. I mostly get caught up in the culture and religion issues and things like that.
I would sort of kind of like to write more personally, and after reading someones hate blog on their husband I thought,”I think I would like to write some of that” You know, sometimes you do feel that way. Well maybe you don’t but I do. Even though it is absolutely non-PC for a Christian woman. We aren’t ever supposed to feel deep real resentment towards our husbands. But I was thinking here that I don’t think I would get far with that sort of thing anyway. I would run out of steam, at some point quite quickly I just wouldn’t have any funny hateful stories to tell.
I am not sure what that says. I would like it to say good things about me of course, but it probably just says I am not creative enough. Funny complaining people have to be highly creative, because if you think about it it would be a complete bore to just read someone going on and on about all the negative things in their life.
Not that I am right about that. Soap Operas prove me wrong.
One thing that the see-saw content in this blog must show is that I am all over the place in my life. Maybe it is menopausal stuff, I don’t know. I am serious, then angry, then slapstick goofy, then pleasantly content. I start to take my dutiful matters well in hand, and then I fritter away time smack in the middle of the job.
I know I have some weird time warp in the way my life has worked out. I am not in any of the ‘norms’ for my group since I decided to have a large family. I am not new to anything with having raised a whole family worth already, and while others are new to the homeschool stay at home thing… here I am, just trying to hold on. because I’ve done everything so long. And nobody is doing it with me.
Really. All my friends of the past are either empty nesters or grandmothers helping occasionally…. they have not thought of someone to watch their kids while they go somewhere for an age… lots of them left my lifestyle. Either they aren’t Christians anymore, or got divorced…. or went on prozac…. or shifted their temporarily stopped career into high gear.
And I am none of the above. [the worst of this deleted]
Now everyone can be offended and angry, because, you know, that is the sort of world we live in. Full of the offended and angry. And oh so self righteously so.
And I shouldn’t talk, because I can be among the worst. This whole post was a terrible mistake. It broke the code. It broke the tone and expectation of what you should find on this sort of blog, because I do have some serious things to say about our culture. But we have too much false image and pretense in our lives. Impossible bar of perfection to fulfill…. and little real sincere faith with which to seek its fulfillment.
Perhaps I am a picture of my culture. Perhaps I am transitioning, but awkwardly so, without a clear sightline on what the goals should be from here. This point, this changed set of factors and realities. I am ordinary woman….. trying very hard to understand, but the all more aghast at what I actually am asked to see.
Now to make everyone all disgusted I will end with this:
The Christian view of the endtime is very dark. So much so, that large parts of it are simply waved away. All relegated to fictional “Left Behind” books. But the truth is very hard, if you will hear it. Things will not get better for this world, the need for God will simply become greater. And the rest of the story? Despite the desparation of the times, few will seek that answer. Few.
And this world will be come very dark… until there is an end place. I think it will drive people mad to see this, as it isn’t completely apparent right now. People still have a modicum of hope that they will fix things and that everything is going to be all right. Ok, all right….
But eventually, the pain of what is actually taking place will strip away the ability to ignore it all. I think that is what is called “gnashing of teeth”. I myself turn away from this view. My sight goes all cloudy, and I want to stop thinking. Stop looking. We have been so insulated inour lives. Most of us have. We don’t destroy ourselves unless we choose to, we rarely see life crushed under the wheels of oppression. We play at ideas of oppression and injustice, but we have been insulated within our ability to choose and our leeway to make lives for ourselves…. and we have taken this for granted.
As if it will go on and on…. as if it is a forever and indestructable thing.
Most of us….. we are fools .
here: go read something worhtwhile … this guy wrote a really interesting piece on John Quincy Adams.