I was looking over a blog opining on psychology, and was trying to figure out if I operate primarily in an “Object Relations” sort of way. Although it said that the primary ‘other’ would be your mother.
That started me thinking about how I am convinced that mothers are vitally important , but that fathers are the sleeper in the equation. I realize this post is fraught with potential puns and possible innuendo, but you’ll have to deal with it. Anyway, I got to thinking about my own , admittedly weird and topsy turvy personality self, feeling that my father had far more to do with how I turned out. As a mother, that is. It seems that fathers have an awful lot to do with how girls shape their identities of themselves as women. Some of that is dependent merely upon whether the father is absent or present, but all the points in between are possible variables in the equation.
That is not to diminish the importance of mothers, but it does make it look a little more balanced. Like possibly both sexes count in the raising of children.
Now that I’ve said that, it looks like I had an agenda with this, doesn’t it? I didn’t, but it could go that way.
but do we shape our sexual identity primarily upon mirroring, as in following the footsteps of the parent whose role you will take? Or is it more a reactive sort of thing, reacting off the opposite parent and seeing yourself from that perspective?
Likely, as in all these things, it is both. It is always both, it seems, but is it far more, than we have suspected, in the role of the father?
I have often noticed the correlation between good relationships with men/good relationship with father, and vice versa. How far does that reach? Then the way a father treats a mother has effects on the children, too; it has effects on how effective a mother that woman will be oftentimes. We just chalk that up to getting the support we need -but maybe it is more. What if it colors the whole of the family?
I think this would change the emphasis of family information in our culture. It would affect the view men have of themselves, I would imagine, but I don’t know in what way. Just an intuition sort of thing.
A fragment to pick up another time….