Peek into the Confessional

I tend to talk of troubles in a oblique and veiled manner. I don’t mean to exactly, but I have not resolved the personal conflict of publishing information about other people. Even when you don’t name name, still… people who know you can figure who it is you are speaking of, and I try to remain sensitive to the airing of matters that could be harmful, even if it seems for public good.

One thing that is rising more in the horizon is how to deal with homosexuals in the church. Another thing on the horizon has to do with how the church views women…. I can’t tell you how much pressure is on traditional women, it is just huge. I personally am so tired of seeing, and sometimes being, the woman who has stood strong in faith and carried a huge burden, who now feels like chucking everything. I have seen more than a few Christian….I want to emphasize that…Christian marriage end up wrecked upon the shoals of theological teaching that creates the heavy burdens that no one will render a finger to lift. Just alot of “tsk tsk” when families are broken in smithereens. “And I thought they were such good Christians…tsk tsk, so glad we’re not like that…”

Yeah, right…give it some of th eright circumstances, and let that get tested out….

We aren’t figuring out the homosexual issue for all the discussion that takes place. I fear we are all headed to lots of mistakes as we try to work it out, because it is something that must get worked out.

Well, I confess to you dear readers that I am very troubled by what I am witnessing all around me, and on the broader horizon of the public forum. It is coupled with great disappointments personally. Sometimes I can hardly pray… I just tell God I do not understand and I want to clear through the fog. I want to see the answer. I want to know what side to stand on, what policy to behave within. It is not all so simple.

I don’t want to be that person who says…”Lord,Lord didn’t I ….? ” and find He didn’t know me, and that I didn’t really know Him, what He wanted, how He does things, what He expected. If it were all so easy to figure out, Jesus would not have been so rejected by His own. Some of us are still unknowingly rejecting Him, and I have no confidence and assurance that we are clear on this. Like the disciples at the Passover table: “Lord, is it I? Am I the one rejecting you?” Doesn’t it bother anyone else that they couldn’t discern their position? Am I so different than they?

So often Christian assuredness comes packaged in pride. It ought to be packaged in humility, but how did we veer so far off that path? How did our great confidence in Christ turn to something so arrogant? If you think for a moment this means I am confused about Christ’s Salvation, that is not what this is. I am confused about the perversion of the love of God. Love so pure and which we need as much as clean water. To be steadfast in truth, and yet grounded in the love of Christ Jesus. I revert to my Christianese…. I can’t spell it out in practical terms right now…and that is what I am wrestling with.

I fear something. I fear that the confusion that once a characteristic of “the World” the cosmos that stands in opposition to God and His Christ… is becoming viral in the Church. Good looks bad, bad looks good, and no one is clear on the difference, not in a pure way, not in a true religion way. My soul stands astonished. I dig into the issues in a neutral, observers way…. I stand apart within in astonished silence, for now. I listen at the posts for God’s insights and answers. Still, waiting.

3 thoughts on “Peek into the Confessional”

  1. Ilona,

    The battle is real.

    The question is how we address the world we live in while being true to Jesus.

    I battle with my own lifestyle, the things I write on my blog, the things I teach my grandchildren. Have I compromised? Is the world infecting me? Is it just my old fundamentalist upbringing coming back to haunt me? Complex struggles. I wish it was “easy” but it is not.


  2. Its definitely not easy. I don’t know the answer. I don’t even know if there is one answer. I do know that the lukewarm Christianity that is being preached now is not what God intended. How do we fix it? That’s a big question.

    I have enjoyed reading your blog.

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