When Dr. Katharine Bushnell died in 1946, her book had been out of print for years. The work she had done seemed to have been in vain. Yet, she never quit writing. Like the prophets of old, she continued to work, looking toward the day when women would take their God-given place in society and the church.
There have been many times in my Christian walk that I have despaired close to giving up. It seemed I was simply a failure, that I was too messed-up, too inept, just too something or another to continue in seeking to know who Christ was, who I was in Him, and whether I could possibly be of any worth to anyone, especially in something of as eternal significance as the Kingdom of God.
Finding myself, over and over, in this place:
By the grace of God, there seemed something that kept welling up inside me… making me to have renewed will to find truth, do what was right, despise the obvious disdain that I seem so capable of inspiring from those who felt either my position in life, my gender, or my lack of documentable expertise ought to subordinate me.
My choices in life, from the ones that led to being a SAHM, to having a large family, even at times the choices of homeschool or homebirth, have exposed me to censure oftentimes. And though I appear strong enough to take it, the force of social rejection has, more times than not, wounded me in my inner recesses of the heart. Ignoring the criticism of others does not mean not feeling it.
But there are times when the importance of the cause is more than the importance of our personal comfort. Perhaps I’m just a person more given to that turn of mind, I don’t know…. but I keep on being convinced that despite the imperfection of myself as a person, the need for someone to speak up for truth, for the side which is neglected in the cacaphony of life has to be the banner taken up. Even if it has to be someone like me to do it.
Because my perspective could be wrong, I could be mistaken, I might be missing the mark…. but better that than for no one to raise the discussion into the horizon of the attention. Better to draw attention, even negative attention, than to ignore the injustice done in allowing a wrongful status quo to go unaddressed.
When I read of those who have lived faithful lives, not receiving approval or appreciation, it gives me encouragement. The question is not how are we received, but how faithful are we to our call? How highly do we value the One who calls us? Are we more purposed to collect accolades of our fellow man or are we purposed to hear and follow a call from the One Who Made Us? Who laid down His life for ours, unworthy and useless as we are in our own mortality and faultiness?
I cannot afford my own self-pity or self-indulgent emotional needs if they interfere with the higher plane of living for something more than my own small interests. Popularity is a chimera.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.