Struggle

I’m surprised sometimes that I struggle so much with things , and others don’t seem to. Especially when they speak of “emotional health” or the proper way to “get along with people”, and all the other similar topics. From where I sit, though, the vast majority of the ones who qualify under the layered demands of what is defined as maturity of some sort are very often fakes. You press their surface a bit and the fangs come out…which seemed to be hidden behind closed-mouthed patient smiles. And then I get confused.

Admittedly I am given more to second guessing than many… but how is it that it would be emotionally immature to have a hard time dealing with anger? I see alot of awfully angry people, and to me that means people who don’t even try to “deal with it”. People trying to deal with their anger are full of angst and sometimes a bit depressed, in my experience, but it seems healthy that they are trying to come to terms with what is a debilitating trait. I do think there is a problem if you can’t move on in your life and just stay stuck at “resentful and angry” cafe for years on end.

This isn’t what I’m thinking of, though. What I am thinking about right now is the situation where people don’t get close enough to rub anyone wrong, or get rubbed the wrong way themselves. They are comfortably coated with Teflon of smug superiority. Never dirtying themselves with the struggles of humanity. I just didn’t think that is what the scriptures meant about keeping our spiritual garments clean. But what do I know?

I guess I know this: that I am struggling with life issues that I thought should have mutually resolved years ago. Years, as in decades. I have found that you can’t make others resolve things, not in themselves or with you. I just don’t know what the next step is. Maybe it is that Teflon coating, but I just can’t bring myself to accept that. I don’t want to have unreasonable expectations of others, but when it is supposed to be reciprocated…what if it is not?

So many people I’ve known have come to places where they simply move on -from the relationship. I don’t know why I can’t. I can’t let go of the dead relationship in that way. I sort of put it into a mausoleum drawer, and try to distance myself. That gets called emotionally immature or unhealthy, from what I can see. Certainly no one likes it, but what they want is for the unhealthy and damaging relationship to just continue on until there is little left of you, the other. That seems both irrational and wasteful.

I’m talking in general terms, but we all have seen enough of this to recognize it, haven’t we? Who are the people that close up shop? The ones who leave their marriages, who find something other than their children to pour themselves into, who leave in some way or another. They give no more room for working anything out, the church or the family or whatever “just wasn’t a good fit”, they are just “done”. Sometimes, though, there is a real conflict of “fit”. What then? I’m not going any further with this midnight confession of sorts…. but I know the next level of consideration. What does God say about it? What relationships do we stay in, how do we change in those relationship -His way? Some of God’s solutions are so out of the box, that I am almost fearful of entertaining thoughts of them.

“Let me go bury my father” “Let the dead bury the dead”
In some ways we can’t talk about this as a group. In some ways it is a personal struggle with God Himself, to attain the understanding , and direction, we need. He can tell us what He expects of us. This yes, yet there are predictable points within the scriptures which mark the upright way. That is what I am essentially referring to- the way that God wants for us is an upright way, one of equity.

Well, sorry . No answers from me today.